Loving Ourselves Where We Are: Where to Start

I have seven children. Seven! And if you asked me if there was something that was most challenging about having a newborn when there were other little “helpers” around, I would say yes, and that it happened in the first few months of their lives. All my kids doted on each little one as they became part of our family, and they never meant to be rough. But we had to carefully teach each child to support the baby’s head until their neck muscles were strong enough to hold it up on their own.

I was always relieved when my babies held up their own heads. Developing those muscles laid the foundation for everything else the baby would do later. Roll over. Crawl. Walk. Not to mention the ability to observe the world around them and learn. 

Keep this in mind as I tell you my story. 

I was preparing to attend a conference where I would see people I hadn’t seen for a few years. No problem, right? Well, I had gained back the weight I had lost, my hair was in a bit of a funk, and my insecurity levels seemed to rise with every minute that moved me closer to my trip. I was packing my bags and listening to various podcasts, and the words, “It doesn’t matter what you look like. You have divine value. You keep your head held high.”

While traveling to my conference, I pondered those words and decided to experiment. When we arrived, my initially hesitant steps became more resolute as I remembered my plan. I walked into the conference, and I lifted my head. I was seriously shocked by what happened next. The anxiety, shame, and embarrassment left me immediately. I looked people in the eye. I smiled. I stopped thinking about myself and started focusing on the needs of others.

All from keeping my head up? Really!?

It’s true. I walked around that conference with a bounce in my step, with confidence, and with love radiating from my heart ready to touch the lives of others. 

Just like my babies . . . exercising my muscles to keep my head up was foundational. Lifting my head allowed the feelings of insecurity to roll right past me. Any former desires to crawl in a hole and hide diminished, and my walk became a determined and happy one. And I, too, was able to observe the world around me and learn when I held my head high. 

Did you know that the change of posture in our bodies can actually cause a chemical shift? Think about it. If we drop our heads and slump our shoulders . . . sadness and discouragement follow. Could you really feel confident and enthusiastic in that posture? But, by the same token, could you lift your head, smile a genuine smile, and then be sad and grumpy?

Let me share one more example. A week after my conference I accidentally dropped a ten-pound weight on my toe and caused some less than attractive bruising and swelling. I was pretty concerned when I realized I had an event to attend that required a nice dress. As I tried to slip my matching dress shoe onto my deformed and swollen foot, I almost cried. I could get it on my foot, but just taking three steps in it caused enough pain to almost take me down. My only choice was to wear my flip flops. 

With a dress? You’ve gotta be kidding!

Well, I decided I’d just have to deal with it, and all the insecurity from the week before immediately came back to play. It is certainly an unfriendly playmate. But as I walked toward the building, this thought came to my mind: “Hold your head high, and they won’t look at your feet.”

And guess what? It worked! I experienced the same outcome that I had at the conference I looked people straight in the eye, I smiled, and I didn’t see even one person look down at my crystal-studded foam embarrassments. 

Are you with me? 

Here’s the thing. We all have things that trigger our own feelings of yuck. Those things that bring insecurity, discouragement, and shame. But we do not have to live there. We are enough.

Just. The. Way. We. Are. 

So you keep going. You keep trying. And remember, every day, that it doesn’t matter what you look like. What job you have. What home you live in. What car you drive. You have divine value. So you keep your head held high!

If you could use some support in keeping your head held high, I am here to help.

Good Grief! It Was All Me?

Have you ever had one of those crazy night’s sleeps where you can’t even call it that . . . because you didn’t really sleep? 

I had one of those last weekend at our writing retreat. All of our participants were assigned to a nice bed, (not the same bed, of course), but my business partner and I had the floor. Unfortunately I left for the retreat with a defective air mattress. I didn’t know this at first.

I was pretty warm when I went up to the loft for bed, so I only grabbed a lap blanket to cover me.

Mistake One. 

Because my business partner didn’t want me to be uncomfortable, she brought me a longer blanket and a fold-out-cushion. I placed the cushion under my mattress. 

Mistake Two.  

I got into bed and tried sleeping for an hour or so, but the cushion under my mattress was smaller than the air mattress, and . . . well, I felt like I was surfing. Any time I turned over, my mattress tilted to a 45 degree angle. Can you imagine trying to rest while riding a wave? 

Eventually I had enough presence of mind to slip the cushion out from under me. 

Mistake Three. 

I assumed that if I slept only on the air mattress, all my problems would be solved. Little did I know that air was escaping from my deceptive little floating bed, and that I would soon awaken with bruises from becoming a mattress burrito on the hard floor. And cold.

I don’t know about you, but I don’t get many intelligent thoughts while I’m in the zombie hours, so it took much longer than it should have before I realized I could sleep on the fold-out-cushion instead.

After moving over, the cushion supported me in comfort, and I finally slept in peaceful, but cold slumber. Until 20 minutes later when it was time to wake up.

I’m sure you are wondering why I am sharing this. 

Well . . . I sacrificed a whole night’s sleep to learn a couple lessons, and I thought I could share them to make me feel a little better about it.

When I first shared my story with you  . . . I may have left out a few valuable details.

First of all, at the beginning of the night, I had a third blanket just across the room. As it continued to get colder throughout the night, I could have gone over and gotten the blanket. It was only a few feet away, but I made a deliberate choice not to get out of my blanket to solve the problem.

Second,I had suspected I had the wrong bed before I left home. I was sure I had a new mattress with no leak somewhere in the house, but I didn’t take the trouble to go look for it. 

Third, from the very beginning I sensed that I would have to stay perfectly centered on the air mattress if the cushion was underneath it, and that it would take some work to stay balanced. However, I ignored my thoughts, went for it anyway, and got “seasick” in the night.

And to think that I looked like the victim. 

My sleep could have been tremendously more restful if I had simply made better choices. I could have paid attention when I had those thoughts to use all three blankets. I could have found the new mattress, and I could have trusted my better judgment and not put the mattress on the cushion to begin with . . . but I didn’t. 

So what was my lesson learned? 

Perhaps I have more control of the things that happen in my life. Maybe those thoughts that kept coming (that I continued to dismiss) were divine help for me to make my life a little more comfortable and enjoyable. Could it be that all those tidbits of instruction were inspired, and they are available to me on an ongoing basis? If I simply choose to act on them?

Not sure about you, but I’m going to make more of an effort to respond to those things in the future. And maybe tonight I’ll sleep better.

Are you ready for support to get control of your own life? I’d love to help.

Seriously Goofy: Did I REALLY Say That?

DISCLAIMER: I doubt you will learn anything from this post . . . but it just might make you smile.

Have you ever recognized something you’d never noticed before, and suddenly you see occurrences of it everywhere? 

I blame my husband. Completely. A number of years ago he dragged me to a handgun training, almost kicking and screaming. It ended up being a surprisingly good experience. When we got home and people asked us about the trip, we both individually, and with gusto, told them that we had “a BLAST!” 

Not “a great time.” Not “so much fun.” Not “an exciting trip.” No no. “A BLAST!” It just slipped out of our mouths. And then we felt a little stupid — as if the whole thing had been premeditated. Because, of course, the sound of guns makes a blast. 

Once my husband pointed this out to me, he ruined my life. I notice it everywhere, and when I do, I inevitably start laughing uncontrollably. And people look at me. Like I’m stupid. Until they finally catch on and give a courtesy laugh.  

Let me share a couple of them with you. 

While driving past the snow-covered goat pen and seeing our goat out of place, I asked, “What is that goat even doing?” One of the kids piped up, “Oh. It’s just chillin’.”

Really?

On another occasion my daughter told me that she had looked all over the thrift shop for a blender and couldn’t find one. Then she proceeded to explain that she definitely could have missed it had there been one, because everything just kind of blended in. 

You think those are bad? Just keep reading. They get worse. 

My husband and I were driving in some pretty bad sleet to meet some good friends for lunch. The more severe the weather became, the more we questioned our sanity. Finally my husband said, “I wonder if we should ask for a rain check.”

Now. I realize that the expression “rain check” came about from getting future admittance to a baseball game that had inclement weather — but it’s seldom used that way anymore. Just sayin’.

So why do these ridiculous things come out of our mouths? Does our brain have a file that contains related words? Does our subconscious work overtime to make us funny? Is this something we can stop? Should it be stopped? 

Here’s another. And I’m not trying to be irreverent . . . this really happened. One of my boys read about a really strange situation in the news that had ended in someone’s death. We were all a little incredulous and thought he was teasing. We said so, and he said, “No. I’m dead serious.” 

See what I mean? It just spills out. We say these things all the time . . . and it usually goes unnoticed. Maybe we’re a lot wittier that we thought we were. 

One of my married daughters reported this next one. Her younger sister went to work with her at the thrift shop one morning. She was laughing so hard that she had to call home and tell me her “funny.” Apparently the two of them were discussing educational and career opportunities for the future. She has planned to become a yoga instructor for a couple of years. So when she told my younger daughter that she was considering getting a Montessori teaching certificate, she expressed her confusion. “I thought you were going to become a yoga instructor.” My married daughter explained, “You have to understand . . . being a full-time yoga instructor is a bit of a stretch.”

Wasn’t that great? Just watch. When you start noticing these “serious goofs”, you’ll find that some of them will tickle your funny bone enough to make a phone call of your own to share it with someone you love.

This final one is just as silly as the others. My wonderful husband, son, and son-in-law worked really hard last summer to re-tile the floor in the front room and kitchen. The project was finally completed while I was gone for a few hours, and I was delighted with the result. I walked in and said, “Oh my word! I am absolutely floored with the way this has turned out.”

Perhaps we’ll never know why we say these things. Maybe it’s just me. You may never appreciate the silly nuances of these odd little phrases, and that’s okay. But if it’s contagious, and my writing has brought you to a new awareness, you just may be able to enjoy this sickening use of the English language. 

Are you ready to take the next step in your journey? Let’s do it together — it’ll be fun.

We Move Forward EXPONENTIALLY When We Go Our OWN Pace

I have always had enthusiasm and have usually had direction. (I’ve had my seasons of being lost as well.) But when I see something I really want, I go after it, and I get it. I never knew how threatening that can be to some people. 

Over the years when I have just been myself . . . my momentum has hurt others who don’t move at the same speed. In my own moments of insecurity—I used to let it stop me. I was embarrassed and even humiliated by who I was. I felt like I was “too much.” That people thought I was showing off or trying to make them feel and look stupid. So I shut down, paralyzed with shame.

This, of course, was completely untrue. God simply made me this way, and for me, it is the place where I thrive best. He didn’t make a mistake when He created me. But it is because of His power that my time and energy are multiplied. That’s nothing to be ashamed of. 

While visiting with a dear friend about this topic, she told me that her mother-in-law modeled AMAZINGNESS. Is that a word? Haha She did everything quickly and masterfully. She always had a good cause, and she accomplished her part of it with tremendous flair. 

My friend adored her mother-in-law and began to approach her life in the same way. She even pulled it off . . . for a time. After “keeping up” with her for a season, she found that she began to feel overwhelmed, exhausted, and needed to hide from her family to recuperate. This brought her a powerful life lesson about the dangers of going someone else’s pace. She has now found her own stride, and she has affected many people through coaching, writing, facilitating programs, and reaching out to those who need her. Interesting, huh?

I recently sent out my three month list of goals to my accountability group. One of the participants wrote back. She did not tell me to slow down. She said she believed I would accomplish those goals and more. Can you imagine how liberating that was to me? She wasn’t threatened. She was my cheerleader, and she anticipated even more from me. 

We all have WONDROUS things to do in life. We will see those wondrous things happen best when we go at our own snail, rabbit, or cheetah pace. Trust what’s right for you. There is no room for comparison when we are following our own personal paths. 

Thank you for walking this journey with me. I love you. I trust you. I believe in you and your divine calls. 

If you want to walk with a little more support, I’m here to help.

Maybe the Little Things are Really the Big Things

Child’s laughter. Blowing bubbles. Hot showers. Snapchat. Dancing to a silly song. Reminiscing with an old friend. Paddle ball. Shooting stars. Candy necklaces. Stupid, clean jokes. Pillow fights.

Just making this list makes me smile.

My old Eternal Warriors mentor (www.eternalwarriors.com) suggested I create a list of things that bring me joy. Not huge things…like going to an amusement park or on a getaway with my sweetheart…but just “bite-size delights.”

Sounds fun. But why?

Lightening the Mood

Actually…believe it or not…it’s an incredible way to chase away the darkness. It makes sense. When I’m in “a mood”… I can fight back with light!

I remember when one of my daughters was seriously struggling. She was getting sucked into a vortex of depression, and I was out of town. I was terrified because there was nothing I could do. When I got home she was fine. A completely different person than I had talked to a couple of hours before.

Dancing with the Stars

What changed? Well…she instinctively grabbed her younger siblings, went downstairs into the basement, turned on her music, danced her heart out, and she turned the tide of depression that threatened to sweep over her.

I’ve seen it snap my son out of sulky moments. I’ve seen it ground an angry daughter. I’ve even watched it pull me out of some pretty bad anxiety.

What’s on Your List?

So…try it. Make a list of 5-10 things that you delight in. Then the next time you start getting pulled in a wrong direction, grab a delight off your list and watch the magic happen. I dare ya!

I’d love to add some of your ideas to my list. What are some of your delights?

For more support in seeing all the little things, I’m here to help.