Learning To Let Go

“Don’t hug the cliff. Keep your hand at your side. And whatever you do.. DON’T let go of the rope!”

These were my son-in-law’s last words to my 17-year-old daughter before she went over the cliff.

As soon as she cleared the edge, she did exactly what she was told not to do. She was swinging with her head dangerously close to the cliff – which was quite alarming to me. And….dum dum dum … she let go of the rope. O.o

Belayer Extraordinaire

My son-in-law very calmly told my daughter she had let go of the rope. He promised she was safe, that he had her, and that she could trust him.

He gently persuaded her to take her left hand off the rope and to put it into the air. He said, “Okay. Just this once I’m going to ask you to do something that sounds wrong, but I need you to trust me. Go ahead and let go with your right hand now as well.”

Getting Grounded

My daughter was terrified, but she was intent upon his voice. He reminded her again that she could trust him. He asked her to put both hands in the air so she could feel that she was safe with him belaying, even without her hands on the rope.

Next my son-in-law asked her to look up on the cliff to see me, and I smiled and waved.

He instructed her to look around and see the beauty that surrounded her… the trees, the mountains, the sky. Once her breathing evened out, he focused her back on the task at hand.

He then, very carefully, talked my girl down to safety.

A Mother’s Pain

As a mother, I was only there to cheer her on. I could see her fear and her anxiety. I could feel her pain; I could see her mistakes and the danger she faced. But there was nothing I could do to save her. I wouldn’t even have known how to help her in that moment.

This forced me to completely rely on and trust in her guide to keep her safe. I had to trust his knowledge, his foresight, his understanding of human nature, and his ability to talk her down. Only he could get her through this scary adventure.

A Step into the Dark

Once she went over that second cliff, we could no longer see each other. My only choice was to trust my son-in-law. And I couldn’t even watch the process!

I had to completely let go, be still, and let her guide do it all.

Letting Go

In a similar way we have to watch our children struggle on their own personal journeys. When they walk through a situation we don’t understand or haven’t experienced ourselves, we have to trust God like never before.

We can smile and cheer from the sidelines, (sometimes without even being close enough to watch) but this journey is one that has to be made without us.

Our charge is to trust God enough to let go. And the only way I know how to do this is to recognize that I’m putting the care of my children into the firm and capable hands of the Master Belayer.

How have you learned to let go?

Do you need help to let things go? I’d be happy to help you through it.

Can Writing Help You Heal?

Writing was a necessary evil in high school. I had a brilliant English teacher, but my pure white papers were returned in crimson. If I had ever had any aspirations for writing, she would have squelched them entirely.

After high school and college my writing days were done. For good.

Stumbling Upon a Truth

Fast forward about a decade.

I began to notice people’s strengths, their struggles, their successes, and so forth. I don’t know why, but I began to send little notes to them to recognize them for their talents, their service, their kindnesses, and to support them in their pain. I’m embarrassed to say that after I sent such cards, I promptly forgot what I said and often who I even sent it to.

But out of the woodwork, here and there, I had a number of people approach me and compliment my ability to express myself in writing. This was mind-boggling in light of my history.

I guess the reason I share this is because of the aha moment I had one day. It occurred to me that if we want to have influence to help support others, writing is more than a necessary evil. It can be used to build up others, share with them, strengthen them, and buoy them up.

A Writer is Born

It was about that time that I became involved with an organization whose mission was to inspire women to strengthen their families. In order to reach the women we worked with and to train our mentors, I had to write. A lot.

I’ve changed my opinion of writing. And actually, I have learned to love it.

One Step at a Time

But have you found that writing can seem kind of daunting? It sure was for me. When my opinion changed, I had to endure a process to learn the best approach. My approach had to come line upon line…just a bit at a time. The bite sized chunks made it seem doable, and even fun. If you would like some simple and easy steps to get started with your writing, check out a free download of my Baby Steps to Transformational Writing.

A Chorus of Voices

I think we all have stories that burn in our souls. These experiences could deeply touch others, if only we could find our voices. And imagine the influence that might be felt when our one voice becomes many.

If you haven’t penciled your thoughts or stories of late, maybe the time is now. Come on. You can do this…Just take it one baby step at a time.

What have you learned from sharing your stories or from learning of others?

Are you ready to take your writing to the next level? Is there a book in you? I can help.

How I Remembered Who I Am

There I sat, watching as joy and light emanated from the speaker. Suddenly a deep sadness came over me as I remembered another time and place.

“Stephanie, you always have a smile on your face! You’re just so happy.”

Another memory replaced that one — of teaching a class titled “Lighten Up.” I had been asked to teach it because they hoped my “fun approach to life” could help others.

Had I Really Forgotten?

In all honesty I had forgotten that this was even a part of me. After my third child, our family moved across the country. For whatever reason, I was not very well accepted in our new community. I had 3 more children and a pretty difficult personal journey. After a 5 year battle, I was…well…lost.

Sitting there listening to that speaker affected me deeply. I recognized that I had lost myself somewhere in the midst of all the pain, and I decided it was time to do something about it.

Making ME a Priority

Well. I got to work. I looked up EVERY reference to any word that I identified with in my core book (the book(s) that define my values — in my case that would be the King James Version of the Bible and The Book of Mormon.)

I looked up words like sister, mother, daughter, friend, wife, woman, womanhood, and such.

This was only the beginning, but a shift began to take place. Soon I was reading every book I could get my hands on that had to do with being a woman.

Healing Through Writing

And I spent a lot of time recording my thoughts. I don’t know what it is about writing (with pen in hand in my case), but direction and inspiration just comes.

I learned for myself that I am a beloved daughter of God. I discovered where I fit; I recognized my worth; I could finally see how important my part is in this world. I guess it was less that I discovered these things…and more that I remembered. I had simply forgotten who I was.

I was given vision and direction to strengthen my family and to help others strengthen their families as well.

Now It’s Your Turn

So how can we remember who we are?

I would strongly suggest spending some quiet time with yourself and God in a sacred space with your core book and a pen in hand.

Have you had any experiences with remembering who you are? What did you do to come to that place of peace?

Need some support to remember who you are? I would love to help.

"One Step Enough For Me"

One healthy child, followed by 3 miscarriages. That was me.

I finally made the decision to see a fertility specialist. His first words were, “Don’t get pregnant until we figure this out.”

Oops. Yah. You guessed it. I was already pregnant when I went in to see him. The pregnancy was confirmed after we did $500 worth of lab work. Thankfully we learned a little from the lab results, and we did a bit of a shotgun approach. He prescribed a handful of meds and put me on bed rest.

I Don’t Wanna Be in the Dark

I really wanted to know if I was going to be able to carry this child full term, but it seemed the heavens were silent on this matter. That was hard. But ya know? I believe something magical takes place when we turn our will over to the Lord. I felt at peace, and all was well.

This hymn speaks volumes about what I felt:

Lead, kindly Light.

Amid the encircling gloom.

Lead thou me on!

The night is dark,

And I am far from home;

Lead thou me on!

Keep thou my feet;

I do not ask to see the distant scene—

One step enough for me.

Being Okay with NOT Knowing

I didn’t know how it would turn it out. But I had done all I could do, and I found peace knowing that I was in the Lord’s hands. I realized that I didn’t have to know the end. Knowing only one step ahead was enough. But I believed it would all be okay, whatever the outcome.

Now What?

When the day finally came to rush to the hospital, I didn’t know if we would be coming home with a baby or not. She was in distress when she was born, and there was an emergency medical pediatric team in the room with us, waiting for her debut into the world. The umbilical cord was wrapped like a cocoon around her little body, and she was holding onto it for dear life. She was immediately whisked away, and I began to cry.

My OB looked me in the eye and assured me that she was going to be alright.

One Step WAS Enough

The tears weren’t because I was afraid. They abundantly flowed because every cell in my body knew that she was going to be fine. I could finally “see the distant scene” and knew how things would turn out. And I absolutely knew that God was at the helm. HE knew every step of the way, so only one step was enough for me.

Enjoying the Journey with Differences

I hope my bold reference to God doesn’t offend you, because I want to be authentic. I don’t know what your beliefs are, but I believe in and try to follow the teachings of Jesus Christ. I don’t want you to be surprised when He comes up on this blog, because it will happen. He is everything to me.

Whether you believe the way I do or not doesn’t matter to this conversation. I feel like we can respect our differences, learn from each other, and enjoy our journey as we walk each other home.

If you need some extra support to walk this journey with confidence and success, I’d be happy to help.

We're Just Walking Each Other Home

You’ve got to be kidding me!? This was my answer?

My husband left that morning in meltdown mode. The pressure of starting a new school was becoming unbearable. The kids were a wreck. My house was beyond a disaster, and I was at my breaking point.

I had fallen to my knees in despair and had pleaded for help.

My answer? Call my friend and tell her what was going on.

Seriously!? What a terrible idea, right? Total vulnerability. Complete humiliation. How could this help? The last thing I needed was to feel judged!

I made that call solely out of obedience to God.

The Shift

But what followed was miraculous. She listened…and then she took control of the situation. She said, “Okay. This is what we’re going to do. We’re going to start a special fast for your husband. And then I’ll be to your place in 30 minutes. We’re going to get the house cleaned.”

In that moment peace returned, and I felt hope.

She Really Meant It

She was as good as her word. She came up, and she

took care of my biggest dreads: the cupboard underneath the kitchen sink and the kids’ bathroom. They were disgusting. And she simply rolled up her sleeves and took care of it.

And how did she respond to everything?

My tears? My husband’s worries? The kids’ gross bathroom and an even more disgusting cupboard? Zero judgment. Just love.

A Defining Moment

This one event was a turning point in my life. Her kindness, service, and non-judgmental love for me has changed me forever. I have looked back on this experience countless times and learned from it again and again.

As we go through this journey called life, we are really all in the same boat. We each have weaknesses, challenges, and specific things that God needs us to do. And it’s not always easy. But, I will say, that on that one dark morning so many years ago, the darkness was chased away with the light of one dear friend who was willing to walk with me. If only for a couple of hours, I was not alone.

Therefore, What?

This is who I want to be as well. There’s no need or room for judgment or comparison in this life. Our journeys may look different. We may be married or single, male or female, young or old, gay or straight, fat or thin, educated or ignorant, liberal or conservative, religious or not. It just doesn’t matter.

What matters is simply that we are there for each other. That we help make this life a little easier for each other. That we don’t have to walk this path alone.

And really…in the end…”we’re all just walking each other Home.”

If you need a little extra support on your journey to reach your goals, I would love to help.