It's Your Journey: You Don't Have to Apologize

Have you ever had one of those moments when you say something really profound, but you didn’t mean to? I mean . . . you don’t even realize just how profound it was until it touches someone else, or it stops you in your tracks? 

Here’s an example. I was chatting with a friend about weight. We were discussing people who sincerely struggle with a cycle of weight . . . they lose it. Then they gain it. They lose it, and they gain more. They’re certain they will never do that again, and they commit that this time they will lose it for good. And . . . it comes back once again. 

Why the discussion? It may or may not have something to do with the challenge I have personally faced in the past . . . since the time that I was in junior high school. We’re talking about a 35-year-old weight roller coaster. But recently I have learned so much from these cycles. I am a pattern girl. (What even is that?) Well . . . I really thrive when I can find types of people that keep showing up in my life, similar experiences that keep happening, or the underlying reason that I do the same things over and over, and so on. I want to shout for joy as I tell you that I believe I have finally ended this weight cycle for me. 

However, as I was sharing my thoughts with my friend, I hadn’t yet ended the cycle. I knew I was so close . . . my breakthrough was just around the corner. But as we described the problem that - ever so many people face - whether in body image or a plethora of other examples, this is the profound thought that escaped my lips: 

“I don’t have to apologize for my journey.” 

Huh?

So what do I mean by that? 

Simply this. Every one of us is on a journey. We are all trying to be our very best selves. We wouldn’t learn much if we became our best selves in the first 3-5 years of our lives. That’s why we call it a “life’s journey.” I believe I am on this planet to become the very best me. And I feel that you are on this planet to become the very best you. But “becoming” is a process. In my experience I feel I have been given a perfectly prepared package of problems for me to face in this life. Not because I did anything wrong or because of an unjust God. Quite the opposite. I believe that these challenges have been divinely prepared to assist me to become the very best me. For real. 

When Shame Hangs Around 

While I consider my sincere belief that challenges are a blessing rather than a curse, I also recognize that I have carried a lot of shame over the years because of this cycle. It’s been kind of like this . . . when the bathroom scale displayed socially acceptable numbers, I felt worthy to show up in the world. When the numbers were higher than I deemed appropriate, Shame came to stay at my house, told me I probably shouldn’t leave the house, assured me that I wasn’t worthy of love, and reminded me that this was the umpteenth time I had been through the cycle. Just to make sure I was left in utter defeat, Shame ended the conversation by planting in my mind that, without a doubt, all my friends were talking about it.

Nonsense! 

Who has time to sit and worry about whether I’m up twenty pounds or not?

Journey of a Lifetime

I am on a journey. You are on a journey. And it is part of the human experience. It doesn’t matter if it’s our relationship with money, our experience with holding down a job, whether or not our mornings are productive this month, or even if we’re having a good hair day or a bad one. It is your journey. It is my journey. 

It’s time to be more gentle with ourselves. We have a lot to learn in this life, and that’s okay. There will be ups, and there will be downs. Some days will be easier to smile than others. I believe that all these things will give us experience and be for our good. 

So when we find ourselves . . . once again . . .  less than our ideal, you and I can both hold our heads high and say with relief, “I don’t have to apologize for my journey.”

If you are ready to take your journey to a higher level, I’d love to help.

GUILT TRIPS: How to ROCK a Totally AWESOME Summer

“Heads!” 

“Okay, that means go right Dad.”

“Who gets to flip it next? Hand it to your brother.”

“Heads! Right again.”

Our family was on a Guilt Trip. We drove to the bottom of our gravel road and flipped the coveted coin to determine our route. Heads - right. Tails - left. On this particular adventure we ended up at a community park twenty five minutes from home and happily spent time with its modest offerings. With childhood abandon our feet pushed the autumn air as we swung into the sunlit treetops. We numbed our tongues with frozen chocolate goodness, we felt the pulse of concern in our chests at the sound of a menacing siren bellowing through the little town, and we were chased home by an ominous black sky and churning wind. 

The kids agreed, this was our best adventure ever. 

The idea of a Guilt Trip was inspired by an unplanned ten day summer vacation my grandparents took with friends in the mid 1950’s. Spontaneity was their companion, and with eager anticipation they tossed the coin that would determine the course of their holiday. The coin announced a northern route, and their 1950 Dodge began crawling up the map from the Wasatch Front. As they approached the outskirts of Brigham City, Grandma suggested a stop at Maddox for a much-talked-about salad. The decision to pause their drive was unanimous, and the food was delectable. 

After stretching their legs and filling their bellies, they meandered through beautiful Cache Valley, crossed the Idaho border, and entered the relaxed and peaceful city of Preston. They were met with irresistible signs that enticed them to come together with the locals for a small town celebration and rodeo. The foursome joined in the festivities and stayed the night. And then they stayed another. 

They leisurely continued westward and stayed in a couple other spots in Idaho, but then Grandma’s friend suggested going to Oregon to see a relative of his. Grandad had a brother living in Seattle as well, and from that point on, they had an agenda. Their once serendipitous road trip turned into an ordinary visit to relatives. Freedom was exchanged for a timeline, and the magic that had accompanied them at the trip’s beginning slipped through the open windows of the automobile. 

How can such spontaneous outings be so attractive? Maybe it doesn’t come naturally to most of us. I saw myself in my grandparents’ story, but it wasn’t in the exciting, adventurous part of it. Perhaps we have all frantically rushed to and from our day trip destinations, as well as our week long ones. Maybe we have grabbed food from the drive-thru while the wheels were still rolling, taken only one minute bathroom breaks as the gas tank filled, and we’ve raced the ever ticking clock as though the Interstate might disappear if we blinked too long.   

I believe we can enjoy a more passionate and fulfilled life.

I’ve learned a thing or two from my kids. My daughter and son-in-law naturally found pleasure in their journeys from the beginning. They set out on their honeymoon with an intention to live in the present moment. Instead of hurrying to their destination, they stopped at scenic outlooks, historic buildings, and even an aquarium. They happened upon a charming vacation rental in Cascade Locks and stayed there a night. They walked across the “Bridge of the Gods” from Oregon into Washington, attended a local carnival with an antique wooden carousel, ate blackberries, and visited Shoshone Falls. Each impetuous stop nurtured cherished memories of their new life together.

My heart slows down to a nice peaceful beat and the corners of my mouth turn up when I imagine a trip like this. It invites both me and those around me to be totally present. To beat with the same heart of anticipation and look forward with eyes shining full of curiosity and excitement. It enhances our ability to connect with each other and to strengthen our feelings of belonging. It’s a good place to be!

Why do we call it a Guilt Trip? Well, in all honesty I have felt some guilt over the years for a lack of enthusiasm and missed opportunities. And do we really have to schedule our Guilt Trips, you ask? I wish I could say no, but it wouldn’t be true. But I choose to be gentle with myself, because when I make a plan to be spontaneous, I still get the results I want. Embracing the unexpected generously feeds our souls and nurtures our most treasured relationships. In this warm and beautiful world and with boundless opportunities, I will let go of the senseless guilt, and instead choose a Guilt Trip. 

If you are ready for some help to make a conscious decision to improve, I would love to help.

How Growing out My Hair Revealed Ways to Change TODAY

“You look so good!” “Your hair is so flattering!” “I wish I could pull that off.” My fourteen-year-old daughter had never gotten so many compliments until she tried an asymmetrical a line bob. It really was darling on her, and she got a lot of attention. Even my mother loved it. Enough said.

After keeping the same cut for 2-3 trims, she participated in a play that required long straight hair. She wore hair extensions for a few weeks of performances, got a ton of compliments, and she was ready for a new style. However, growing out an asymmetrical cut is not a lot of fun.

It’s been a year since she started, her hair is all one length at her shoulders, and she is well on  her way. And now it’s my turn. 

I have been growing out a very short pixie cut for seven or so months, and it is shocking how much discomfort and even insecurity can be caused by such a little thing. Just sayin.

We can learn a ton as we watch from the sidelines, but the lessons we learn up close and personal are much more intimate. And painful. Did I mention painful?

But . . . I’ve observed some life lessons through this process. 

We all have different priorities and goals, but the types of obstacles we each have to overcome are pretty universal.

Let Go of the Awkward

While on a video call with my From the Rooftops board, one of the ladies noticed I was playing with my hair. She mentioned something about it because she knows how uncomfortable the growing out process has been for me. She caught me in the act, and I was embarrassed. But here’s the thing. No one actually has the time to give more than a second’s glance to my hair to consider whether or not it is being problematic. In that deer-in-the-headlights moment I realized that the more I draw attention to my awkwardness, the more awkward I look and feel.

This applies to all of our goals, whether it’s learning to speak a new language, riding a bike, or just choosing to eat better. For instance, it may feel weird to eat leafy greens and oranges instead of unwrapping a Snickers bar, but no one actually notices until we start whining and complaining about it. The complaining just prolongs the process of truly wanting to eat better and accomplishing our goals. Letting go of the discomfort actually allows us to attain our objectives more quickly. 

Looking for New Approaches

Going through growing pains requires a new approach. Every day, as my hair grows a tiny bit longer, I have to tweak my style a little bit more. Sometimes it feels tedious, but doing what I’ve always done in the past isn’t working. The results are disastrous. So I ask questions. Should I try parting my hair on the other side? Should I flip it up instead of down? Do I tuck it behind my ear? Maybe on both sides? 

In a similar fashion, as we move toward our goals, we have to be open to being more fluid in our approach. We have to ask new questions. If  doing what we’ve always done in the past worked, we would already have reached our goals. So we have to be open to new ideas, thoughts, and solutions. What book could I read that might help me reach my goal? What distractions are de-railing me? Do I need a mentor? 

Looking at things from a new perspective and being on the look out for new solutions will propel us toward our goal.

Practice, Practice, Practice

I’ve had the same haircut for a number of years. I’ve styled it the same without variation because it was easy and I loved it. But now I’ve endured three haircuts that are shaping my hair differently. My hair has its own ideas, and it was trained for a long time to move in a  particular way. Now I’m asking it to do something it’s not familiar with or comfortable doing. How do I deal with the rebellion? I have to spend much more time than the past training my hair to move in new ways - to conform to a new look.

As we go after our new goals, we have to do the same. We are busting through old belief systems and the old ways we’ve always done it. To meet a goal in playing a new piece on the piano, we have to practice every day to train our fingers to move in a different way. As we do so, the day truly comes that we have developed new, beautiful habits that deliver incredible results. 

Will It Be Worth It?

A few years ago I attempted this same current goal: growing out my hair from a pixie cut. It was slow. It was tedious. It was awkward. And one day I was plain tired of it. I wasn’t even sure what it would look like when it was fully grown out. It sure seemed like a lot of work and pain to get a new style that was completely unfamiliar. Would it even be worth it? 

So I quit. I set an appointment, got my hair cut, and I was so relieved to go back to my comfort zone. 

Oh dear. Is that what I was doing? 

Isn’t it crazy? I was just going back to the “safety” of my comfort zone . . . where nothing magical happens. Where progress doesn’t exist. 

I was being sabotaged by my own brain. Our subconscious’ only job is to keep us safe. To keep us alive. To prevent us from feeling pain. My subconscious sucked me back into that place of comfort, and I never grew in that area. (Hahaha. No pun unintended.)

Does it really matter if I get a new hairstyle? Of course not. But truth can be found in our every day world, and we ought to learn from it. 

When we set a goal, we simply have to trust that all of our efforts, awkward moments, and discomfort will be worth it. Don’t quit! Trust the process and look forward to the satisfaction on the other end. 

It will all be worth it. 

Need some help with your own process? I’d love to work with you.

How I Finally Learned to Get Things Done

My kids were helping at the local thrift shop. My husband was gone to work. And after tidying up after a weekend of company, the house was quiet. Phew!

Now what?

I knew there were a ton of things I had put off to focus on my busy week, but now I was at a loss. Nothing. Nothing would come. Ideas and thoughts bounced around in my head, but it was like reaching into a bowl of soup with your two fingers to pull out a crumb that has fallen inside. Each time you get close and pinch your fingers together to pull it out, you find it has slipped away. There’s nothing between your fingers. This can be rather maddening! And here the same thing was happening to my thoughts.

I began to recognize that this happened to me more often than it should. It seemed that when I had a spare moment, I couldn’t pinpoint anything productive to do. So I’d turn to social media “to collect my thoughts.” I’m sure you can see what a goofy plan that was. So in this situation . . . two hours passed and I was still scrolling when I heard the kids pull up. My solace was over, and I had accomplished nothing.

One day my seventeen year old son came into my room absolutely beaming. I asked him why he was so happy, and he made a list of everything he wanted to do that day: change out the brake pads on his car, spend an hour reading a book on flipping houses, call the local tech school to register for a class on diesel mechanics, and detail his other car to prepare for sale.

I just stared at him in awe. Not only did he have a plan, he was excited about it. Then it occurred to me . . . during only a few months he had knocked out more goals than most people do in a year.

I asked him what was making the difference for him, and he said it was simple. Each morning, as part of his A.M. routine, he would set goals for the day. The next morning he reviewed how he had done, and then he set new goals.

A genius idea? I sure thought so. I had heard of doing this hundreds of times throughout my life, but not necessarily from real people actually doing it.

I had to tweak it just a bit for me because I needed to wake up with a plan already in hand. I knew my brain tended to be a bit fried in the middle of a hectic day.

So . . . before going to bed each night, I started looking at my calendar and considering what my priorities were to accomplish the next day. I would take into account the things already scheduled for the day, and then maybe I’d set a goal to clean out a cupboard, check on a friend, write a thank you note, or read for fifteen minutes.

The first day after setting goals completely converted me. No joke. It took only once for me to see the benefit. When I had a moment by myself, instead of turning to my computer screen, I pulled out my list of goals. I didn’t have to think in the moment . . . I just moved.

Because I had planned ahead of time, I not only worked on goals during the lulls in between appointments, I started looking for little moments to sneak in a goal. I often complete my goals now before noon because it’s on my mind.

So what do I do if I’m ahead and I have a break in the afternoon? Good question.

I give myself a couple of options.

1. Maybe by this point I feel accomplished enough to just take a breather. That’s fair.

2. I may simply take note that I had more time than I had realized and add additional goals to my list that evening when I plan for the next day.

3. If I have any brain power in that moment, I may set a couple more goals for myself to knock out before dinner.

This has turned out to be one of just a handful of things that keeps me moving, helps me stay on track, and brings a smile to my face that almost matches my son’s.

Maybe give it a whirl. Do you prefer mornings or night?

Need some help to get things done? I’m here to help you set your goals and see them through.

Getting from Point A to Point B…and Everything in Between

Do you have a bucket list? Just a really cool list of things you’d like to do? Or be? Or have?I think many of us do. And some of us think our list is attainable. And I think others just have the fleeting thought of wants (or really passionate frustration that they lack them), and they never check much off of their list.

I have learned a pretty astounding concept over the last few months, and this is it: If you want to get from Point A to Point B, (a.k.a. making a goal and accomplishing it) your greatest power comes from the way you handle the space in between the two. (I learned this idea from Leslie Householder, author of The JackRabbit Factor.)

Let me explain.

Let’s call Point A the place where you visualize your goal, write it down, and set an intention to accomplish it. The fulfillment of the goal becomes Point B. My huge a’ha, though, was that Point A is obviously fixed (by you), and Point B is fixed if you stay in a believing and grateful place while traveling in between.

The first time I really understood this was while I was experimenting on the principles of prosperity I was learning. My assignment was to set a goal that could potentially happen within a week’s time in order to experience it for myself. (This should be easy, right?)

I had an Amazon Rental (for a college textbook) due the day after I set my goal. I knew the UPS man was scheduled to deliver a package to my house the next day, so I chose to visualize him showing up at my place by noon. That way I could send my return rental with him. Understand…the UPS man normally doesn’t deliver until mid afternoon. But a twelve o’clock delivery would give me enough time to drop off the package to the local drop off if he didn’t make it – still avoiding the $26 late charge. (Which was my real purpose.)

The kids and I watched for him all morning. (I had to play it cool so the kids could learn good things from me. Haha)

12:15 rolled around. No UPS man. 12:30 came, and I had the thought to look out the window. The UPS man!! But he was driving past our house on his way back to town. (Oh dear.) I wondered, “Do I still choose to believe?” But then I had the thought to look on Amazon and see if it confirmed that my package was out for delivery. I did, and I had apparently looked at it wrong. The package being delivered that day was going to my brother’s house for Christmas. Mine wasn’t scheduled to come until the next day! Oops.

I was new to all this…but I remembered to feel sincere gratitude that I had thought to look outside. At least I didn’t wait around all day for him to come! I called the local drop off and asked what time the UPS man normally picked up, and they said 11:00 a.m. (Uh oh) But that they hadn’t seen him yet that day.

I raced to town, visualizing that I made it in time and feeling grateful.

When I arrived, one of the ladies said the UPS man had already come early that morning. Crud. Well…I had a choice. I could leave it there and get charged a $26 late fee or drive an hour to another drop off and spend almost that much on the gas for my Suburban.
I decided to just leave the package there, and then I felt grateful again for seeing the driver pass my house so I was certain he wouldn’t come.

Next came the thought that I wanted a candy bar for a consolation prize. Just sayin. 

I drove toward the store, and as I came around the corner….who was parked right between my intended destination and another business…but the UPS man! I ran over and told him my problem, and he said he’d pick it up! Yeehaw!

It worked!! No late fee!!

So what did I learn?

My time in between Point A and Point B kept my goal alive for a couple reasons:

Even when the evidence went contrary to success, I chose to believe.
I chose to remain grateful whether things were looking positive or negative.
I felt at peace that things would work out for my best good.

It was an amazing learning experience for me. Using this as my foundation, I have seen other goals work out when problems arose there as well.

It is really rather simple. We all just need to remember that our end goal is fixed so long as we choose a place of gratitude and belief along the way.

Need some extra support to get from your Point A to Point B? Let’s talk.